After months of the kids begging, pleading and making umpteen promises, we finally agreed to let them get a hamster. We already have a small (rat) dog but that wasn’t enough for the kids. They babbled something about giving them more responsibilities and they would take care of it, blah, blah, blah. Ya, right! I have heard that one before. Let me think…oh there was the bloody hermit crabs that they had to have and then the gold fish that surprisingly lived after being dropped in the car during one of our moves and lastly our cat Bella who literally destroyed our furniture…
Against my better judgment I agreed to let them get the little rodent…I mean hamster. Off to the pet store to buy a cage, food, dishes, accessories and the hamster. The kids were squealing with excitement as we made our way home with our new “pet”. Awww isn’t he cute in his little coconut hut! Well, I think we had “Scotch” for about a week when one of the kids “accidentally” left his cage open. Yup…the little bugger was gone. Oh, the tears! The kids were beside themselves. After several weeks of trying to locate “Scotch” we realized that he was likely gone forever. So not only do we let them get another hamster, we also let them adopt two little guinea pigs. Yup, I am not the brightest crayon in the pack sometimes. I can be suckered in quite easily…especially with animals. So we now have a hamster and two giant hamsters (AKA Guinea Pigs).
Well a few days ago, Rob woke me at….oh I think it was 4:30 a.m. to ask me why I had let the hamster out. What the F*&K?! That was my response. Why the hell would I have let the hamster out in the middle of the night?! Seriously. He grumbled something as he scooped it up and carried it back to Anna’s room. A few moments later he turned around to find two hamsters (almost identical) fighting it out. Again, he yells at me. Yup, I went out and bought another hamster to bring home and let out of the cage on purpose...NOT! Then it dawned on both of us almost simultaneously. This is the missing hamster, “Scotch”! It had been almost 8 weeks since the little shit disappeared. It was great that we found him (alive) but this meant that we now needed another cage and all the rest of the crap for another hamster because the two hamsters can’t be in the same cage together. It also meant that we went from agreeing on ONE hamster…to now having FOUR “hamsters”. The things we do for our kids! Yeesh!
Gotta love Manitoba! It was so nice and warm last week, to the point where we actually pulled out the bikes, patio furniture and bubbles. Ski pants, winter boots and parkas were replaced with splash pants, rubber boots and rain coats…until this morning when we woke up to a white fluffy blanket of snow covering the ground. WTF? Every year this happens and every year I pre-maturely retire the winter “stuff” with the spring “stuff”. You would think I would have learned my lesson by now but nope! Here we are, Monday morning rushing around trying to find all the winter shit as the kids fight over who gets to sit in what seat in the minivan. Seriously? Ok, it’s a bloody minivan not a stretch hummer! Who the hell cares where you sit. Just get in, shut up and put your damn seat belt on. Nope, they continue to swat each other in the head while slamming each other with the seats as they raise them up and down. OMG! My head begins to feel as though it is going to explode from the shouting while I make my slow painful drive towards the schools. Yup, I am pretty much a glorified bus driver. The only thing missing from my minivan is the big red “STOP” sign that jets out of the bus. And the fact that my van is white, not yellow.
I really need to keep the winter and spring and summer and the “just in case” shit in the front entrance closet year round from now on! Because in Manitoba, you just never know from one day to the next what the weather might entail.
Tomorrow's forecast...approximately 10 cm of snow! Awesome!
Sometimes I just don’t understand kids homework these days. It seems like my 13 year old comes home with these complex projects that just boggle my mind. Here is what happened with the latest homework fiasco…
Kiana needed to create a “diorama” of the “Scales of Anubis”. Ahhh…what?! I had no idea what the hell this even was. So after googling it, I found out it’s that horse headed man from Egypt holding a scale to balance a heart and a feather. Awesome! How the Fuck am I going to make this? Yes, you heard that right. I said “I” because we all know that it’s the parents that need to come up with the ideas for these wonderful projects and essentially do the work. So, Kiana and I headed to the local dollar store to gather some supplies. After browsing up and down the aisles an idea came to me. Yes! I will take a G.I. Joe figurine and a plastic farm horse, cut off their heads and swap the bodies! Voila! A manhorse! I know, this sounds a little psycho but just go with it. We head home to start our magnificent creation.
I get out the cutting board and a large butcher knife and proceed. “Off with their heads, ha ha ha ha!” At that moment Rob walked into the kitchen and looked at me as though I had completely lost my mind. I just grinned and kept cutting. It’s always good to keep your hubby on his toes (insert evil grin). LOL
Next, I glued the horse head onto the G.I. Joe body and painted it black. Then I glued on a little yellow sarong. Wow, not bad! I am impressed. We completed the scales by using wood coffee stir sticks, clay and the bottom of an empty egg carton. Another stupid…I mean delightful project completed!
One of those days…you ever had one of those days where you just had this feeling that you should just stay in bed because you knew it was not going to go well? Yup, I know…you are thinking YES! I have these days on a very regular friggin basis! Well, let me share my most recent “day”.
I had just dropped off the kids at school and continued to fight my way through downtown traffic as I made my way to the office. Arriving precisely on time at 8:00 a.m., I logged onto my computer and grabbed myself a cup of coffee…mmmm. I hadn’t had any yet this morning so this coffee tasted like heaven! At 8:25 a.m. my phone rings and it’s Rob calling from the Emergency Department. He had been taken there for a possible appendix eruption. Holy F!! So I grab my keys and rushed to the hospital. After a few hours of tests… waiting…more tests…more waiting… examinations…oh, more waiting…the doctor finally advises that he believes it’s “just” kidney stones. Doctor orders Rob to rest, drink plenty of fluids and a prescription.. Alrighty then. So we head home with a quick stop at the pharmacy. It’s now 3:00 p.m. We are just pulling into the drive way when my phone rings. It’s Ava’s school advising that she has just puked all over her desk and the floor. Ok, no problem. I will get Rob into bed and then grab Ava. Well, I just got Ava buckled into her seat with a puke bucket nestled next to her when my phone rings again. It’s my oldest daughter Kiana, she was mumbling in the phone in this pitchy voice. After she repeated herself 3 times I finally understood what she was saying. The toilet was overflowing and seeping down into the basement. Oh, ok…wait, what?! Fuck. I told her to shut the water off and try to mop up the water, did she understand? Nope. I still had to pick Devyn and Anna up from school before heading home. It’s now 4:30 p.m. as I pull into the driveway. I still have not eaten, peed or finished a full cup of coffee by the way. I examine the plugged over flowing toilet…ahhhh shit! Literally. There were little pieces of caca floating along with toilet paper in the bathroom. So I mop up the water and start plunging…in my skirt…this is fun! Ava shouts from her upstairs bedroom, she has projected vomit all over the wall, floor and her bed. OMG! Can this day get any worse?! YUP it sure can. So I clean up the puke and strip the bedding and head down to the basement to start my first of many loads of laundry for the evening. What the fuck…seriously? Where is all this water coming from??? It can’t be from the overflowing toilet….NOPE. It’s the hot water tank. It has sprung a leak and has flooded the basement. At this point, I seriously start contemplating pouring myself a TALL DRINK. It didn’t take me long to decide…ahhhh, a nice cold rye and coke!
Well, my day finally ended at 10:30 p.m. after finally changing out of my work clothes and falling into bed.
RECAP / STATUS
Ava is now feeling better BUT we now have two other children with flu like symptoms.
The toilet will be ok…no further damage done.
Rob is recovering….slowly but surely.
The hot water tank…replaced with a shiny new tank all for the low price of $1287.59.